My Life is a Six Pack

Happy Birthday Cathryn

2012-02-09T08:13:00.000-05:00

First, I thought I would post a special song for you. Happy Birthday Cathryn!

Finally, after having four babies I learned how to do it right. The Dayton area had finally been given this great option for a home-birth style center where technology did not get in the way. I do need to mention that Miami Valley did change their rules several years ago and implemented a rule that would have never allowed me to have Cathryn and Nick in the luxury of the center. This rule came into effect when I was pregnant with Sage and I was not allowed to birth in their center. Sage's birth was the most hideous of all six. Miami Valley succumbed to insurance rules where if you were a V-BAC then you were considered high risk. Never mind I had two successful births after my Cesarian. Anyway, Cathryn's birth was a dream. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and Todd got into the tub to "catch" her as she made her entrance into the world.

Todd and I were in love instantly. The first thing I noticed were the huge dimples.

It was not until about a year ago that I looked at her birth video. I had been cleaning and I found an unmarked video. I am very leery about watching anything because I still am not ready to see or hear the boy. I think it would be more than I could emotionally take. But, it was of her birth. I kept watching. After she was born the doctor and nurse had me get out of the tub to do all the necessary things that my body needed to do. However, that did not mean Todd and Cathryn had to get out. As the video began to play I was able to watch the birth in awe of how gentle and miraculous it was. Then, there was this incredibly special moment between daddy and daughter. Todd was holding her and he began to cry. He thanked her for the most "awesome experience" of his life. He told her how beautiful she was and that nothing he ever did in life would ever be that incredible. (I'm going to cry just writing this!). It was one of the most tender moments I had ever seen all because I popped a video in to watch.

And I don't know if it was the British accent that Cathryn liked so much or what was going on, but this was her first smile. Sister Betty has gone to be with the Lord, but there was never a baby she could not soothe or amuse. The picture was taken on Cathryn's dedication day and my mom crocheted her outfit.

I loved having two little girls. Even though they are five years apart in age, Cathryn and Cayla are very close. I loved sewing back then and I especially loved dressing them in matching outfits (girls, you will one day appreciate all of the pictures that I have of the two of you dressed alike!)

She was a joy to have in our family (still is!). Zachary, Micah, and Cayla loved having a baby to spoil and she was amused by the three of them. There was always someone around to entertain her. I am pretty sure that is the reason, to this day, that she needs constant action and entertainment. The girl cannot just sit back and relax. There has to be something going on ALL,THE.TIME.

Todd has always given the kids a nickname. Cathryn's nickname has been the one that has really stuck (Cayla is extremely thankful for that fact!). It started out as being Pudgy. I told Todd that was NOT going to work because there was nothing fat or pudgy about her. Then it became Smudge, that morphed into Smudge Won Kanobee, and eventually Mudge or Mudgy. Everyone but me calls her Mudge/Mudgy. I loved the name I gave her.

I am especially thankful for this, her fifteenth birthday. By other people's standards and expectations it is not a landmark birthday. But, around here it is very special. Micah left 22 days before his 15th birthday so I not only understand the importance of being 15, but I understand the importance of each and every day. I cherish each and every day that I have with my kids.

Cathryn is very athletic. She is the flyer in the above picture. For several years her gymnastic ability was in acrobatics. I have always lived vicariously through my kids. With the boys it was their abilities in snowboarding (which I would have loved to have done but I shy away from broken bones), Cayla's grace and beauty with ballet, and Cathryn's ability and strength as a gymnast. It just amazes me the things she is able to do. She needs the activity, because, as I said, she cannot sit still. I remember being pregnant with her and telling people that I was either having a gymnast or a pretty wild woman. I got both. Even in pregnancy she never stayed still.

When she grew too tall to be a flyer she decided to change venues in the gymnastic world. We had originally gone down to Hand 2 Hand to look at a new Acrobatic Team where there were more kids so she could learn to be a middle or a base with other kids at the same upper level skill. Once we walked into the gym and she saw the kids on the trampolines soaring 85 feet in the air she pointed and exclaimed "I want to do THAT!" She has never regretted that decision. I love, love, love watching her do her thing. She has the ability to make her body soar which makes my heart soar.

Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me want to get up in the morning and see what you are going to do next.

A Bridal Shower

2012-02-07T12:53:00.000-05:00

I am extremely spoiled and blessed. The bible says that you will reap what you sow, but I have been fortunate enough at many times to reap before the sowing. It happend when Micah left. So many people came to our rescue and we had never done anything to deserve the outpouring of kindness.

A very special girl (I should call her a lady. She has grown up before my eyes and is one of the most beautiful people I know. She should be. She is the daughter of the most beautiful person that I know. LaVonne also has two other daughters that are two of the most beautiful people I know as well.), will be marrying her life mate in a few short weeks. The news and joyousness of this upcoming union has spread literally across the world.

The bride has done so many things for me. Actually, her family has never been anything but giving to anyone that has crossed their path. They have brought an entire new meaning to the concept of serving God and his children. I had originally intended on doing the shower all by myself. They have done so many things for me that I really wanted to do this on my own for this family. However, I quickly started receiving phone calls from people actually begging me to let them help. They had the same story. They had received so much from this family and they wanted a way to give back. Whereas I really wanted to do it on my own, I highly appreciated the help that I got in getting ready and preparing food.

The snow storm actually started the night before the shower, but it did not stop some pretty incredible people from showing up to help me get ready. Eden and Ruth came, and along with Todd, started cleaning, polishing silver, and setting up the table. Now, I can cook, but I greatly lack in the area of presentation. These two gals helped me tremendously in making that happen.

The next morning, my favorite flower arranger and true guru of presentation showed up to help. As I recall, she was the one actually begging to help. Sheila is another one that sows and sows and sows. But, she is a self made expert when it comes to presentation. She has a true gift with flower arranging and other details of how to bring everything together and make it appear spectacular.

The tiny details where in place and it was getting close to "Shower Time." I began setting out all the food and hoped that it would stay warm. I had planned a brunch and again, thought I would make all the food. There are too many wonderful cooks that I have the privilege to be associated. Angela, Sheila, and a few things purchased from local vendors helped create the menu.

LaVonne, Elisabeth, Christina, and Sara have been frequenting all the bridal and baby showers up in our area and have never ever come empty handed. They have been so very generous at each event. Christina is a self taught photographer and my house if full of the gift of photography. She has done almost all the photography at the weddings held at our church as well as senior pictures, family portraits, etc etc etc When Micah left she went through all the years of pictures she had taken of my family. When we showed up at the viewing there were pictures of him. She created a living representation of who and what he was. She had them blown up and to this day they are displayed at various places in my house. You cannot imagine the comfort that those pictures bring to me. I used to have a family picture taken for Christmas cards every year and Christina had done most of those. She also too Cayla's senior pictures and when Cayla had the lead in Cinderella Christina came and took some amazing shots of the dress rehearsal so that I had a special remembrance of that event as well. Had it not been for the gift of her time I would not have a yearly documentation of Micah and many many special times of my kids. Those are very treasured gifts.

Brian, husband and dad to these great people is the man that performed my wedding ceremony. I think Todd and I were the first people he married. I hope he thinks that we were a good "omen" and a great beginning for the many ceremonies that he has performed throughout the years. In a few short weeks he will also perform the ceremony for his daughter. How awesome is that?

We used to live pretty far away from the church we attend. For years LaVonne and I would get together very frequently. She has a contagious laugh and is a very wise person. Back in the days when cell phones did not exist and all we had were land lines, she and I would call each other daily. Even though she did not live that far away from me, it was a long distance call (that means you had to pay for each and every minute that you talked!) Even though we tried to take turns in calling, we would at times rack up an exorbitant bill. It was not unusual for each of us to get a $400 - $500 bill each month. Yes, I know it would have been cheaper to just get in the car. I can remember Todd asking what we talked about. Truly, I don't remember. I just know that she made me laugh and taught me a lot about being a good wife and mother. I told Todd that I was a slow learner and needed to talk to her.

Anyway, I hope that it was a good day for Christina, her mama, and her sisters. It seemed to go really well and that was my prayer all along. I just really felt that they should reap all that they have sown for many years. Any success was due to the fact that they have been so faithful and kind to so many people. Each one of them is amazing, gifted, giving, and kind beyond words. They deserved to be showered with the best and with all of the amazing help, it seemed to go really well. She got some beautiful things to get started in her married life.

Christina is here with her future grandmother-in-law.

I tried to get some pictures of the guest as well. Here is my daughter Sage with her best friend Mariah.

Oh look, more goodies!

Coffee is a staple in Christina's life. At another shower for her the theme seemed to be caffeine. Afterwards we went back to her house and she really does make a good cup of coffee.

I have no idea what Naomi is saying or what she is excited about, but she does always make a party fun.

Again, whether it is displaying food or wrapping a gift, I am not good with presentation. I don't remember who did this for Christina, but Chrissy is quite the world traveler. She kept the wrapping paper to line her drawers. So so cute.

And more goodies!

The boys could not wait until I gave them the green light to come up and eat. They had their eyes on the cupcakes that I had found at this bakery near Wright State University. Since I could not decide which flavor I wanted I just bought one of each that they had.

This was the cutest thing. Again, kudos for presentation. I would have just wrapped the folded towels in a box and called it a day. This was so cute and had all kinds of bath goodies included. The bride and groom rubber duckies were adorable.

Whatever she was getting excited about earlier was all calmed down by an amazing back rub from Jennifer.

Christina received many gadgets for the kitchen. It was so cute because she kept telling everyone that Justin would just love them. Someone asked her if Justin liked to cook. Her response...."HE WILL!!!!"

More guest shots.

Autumn kept going around amazed at the presents. We finally let her open them. She was so cute with all of her excitement and "Oh look! and ahhhhhhhh's."

Just a reminder of how everything in marriage is shared and NOT shared alike. You just don't mess with a girls chocolate!

It was truly a fun day. The best part was the after party. There were about ten that stayed until 8:30 that night (it started at 11:30). I loved the fellowship and time that I got to spend with these people. Again, I ended up reaping more than I had to sow. With this group of people I always get more than what I put in. I am blessed.

A Smoky Afternoon

2012-02-06T13:20:00.002-05:00

I wish I could go back here. Heck, I would like to just be there and never come back. It could easily become my "padded room."

After the morning (which turned into afternoon) at Cades Cove, we drove back over to the intersection of the Visitor's Center to see of Newfound Gap had been open. I think the others would have been happy to find it closed, but luck seemed to be on my side that day. I the way over I pointed out this waterfall. You can see it from the road, but you have to know that it is there or you will drive right on by.

So the road was open and I headed up. Not as pretty as last year, but the Chimney Tops are still pretty majestic looking even in the winter. As we passed by the parking lot at the trail head we noticed that there were still quite a few cars there. None of us were really dressed for a hike that would take a couple of hours. The day was really not about hiking, but to see as much as we could fit in during one day.

I also should have packed some sandwiches. When I get up there I really do not think about eating. I could get real skinny if I actually lived there. I know she is going to kill me over this, but that is Cathi searching for anything edible in the car. Really, time just got away from me. I never felt hungry and I really had no idea that we had eaten at 10 and it was around 3ish as we headed up.

We kept driving up and Ben took the pictures.

Picture of the Chimney Tops.

A view from the car.

The roads were not bad at all going up the mountain. The sun had actually come out and any snow that had fallen the night before had begun to melt. It really was not until we got to the very top where we started to see snow again.

We finally reached Newfound Gap. The temperature gauge on the car said that it was 19 degrees up there. The wind cut through us and it felt colder. We didn't stay up there long. Just long enough for me to get my "fix." I knew the others were getting hungry.

These two were very gracious traveling companions and put up with alot of my demands and requirements. Cathi feels about the beach the way I do the mountains. She will be very happy in Long Beach when we go to Nationals and I will let her make all the demands she wants.

I love this picture of me and Cathryn. I normally HATE pictures of me. Put me, the mountains, and my daughter in the same picture and it becomes a favorite. Go figure!

After being in the mountains for the majority of the day we headed into Gatlinburg to do some walking, shopping, and eating.

And we found the corn dog place again. You have to get one when you are there. The things are ginormous.

And Nick would not share. He complained about sharing each and every bite.

We had planned to go to dinner in Pigeon Forge at Old Mill but Coach called and did not want to make the hour drive to eat with us. Part of the reason we went down there was to compete at the Ozone Invitational. Since it was a team trip I thought it was important to do things with the team. Coach found us a nice steak house to eat at that night and we headed back to Knoxville for dinner. We were staying there that night so that we would be closer to the competition venue.

It was a long day, but it was a fun day. Hopefully I can talk these people into going there with me again.

So, farewell once again my beloved mountains. Until I can talk some new unsuspecting suckers into going with me again I will say good-bye for a time. I love, love, love, each and every second I am down there.

It IS an Emotional Thing

2012-02-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

Four years ago I wrote on another blog about how the Super Bowl was an emotional thing for me, Todd, Zachary, Cayla, Cathryn, Nick, and Sage. Well, maybe not so much for Sage - except that she had to suffer the aftermath of all the emotion floating around the house after the Patriots lost to the Giants. And, now it has happened again.

I know people think I am shallow. I am so very glad that they do not understand. Today was about having a day with the boy. I woke up this morning to a private message from Zachary on FB. If you have not lost someone important, you HAVE.NO.CLUE. We are extremely happy for you (that you have not suffered a death of someone that meant the world to you). For, if you have had to go through a loss of someone, you will know that no matter what, you grasp at anything that gives you a sense of their being right there with you. Zachary and I have been having a tough time because we knew (the Micah that was here on earth) would have found this Super Bowl very important. It was a MUST win. That is what each and every Patriots game does for us left here without Micah. YES, you think we are shallow. Again, happy that you don't have a clue.

A couple of weeks ago the San Francisco 49's were a hopeful for the Super Bowl. The49's were always Todd's favorite team. However, I know him and I knew that if it was a match-up between the 49's and the Patriots that he would have routed for the Patriots. BECAUSE IT IS AN EMOTIONAL THING!!!!

Go ahead, continue to call me/us shallow.

Today was a day that we all were going to have with Micah. Really, it was not about the win, but it was about the fact that we got to drag out the ball caps, the jersey, the sweatshirt, the MEMORIES. But, a win would have been so much better for us than a loss. It would have been something that we knew he was happy about. Again, emotional. That is all we have left. Some people take great joy in stripping us of our memories. They want to say that it does not matter, that he knows something more. I don't disagree. But for crying out loud. Couldn't you just look at us and say that you hoped that we had a good day. Couldn't you remember him and his carnal love for that team and just say that you hoped that Todd and I had a good day with our boy. Was that too hard for you?

I know it is hard to have compassion about something that you have never had to experience.
We wanted to have a fun day, a stupid win, so that we could feel close to him. This is all we have on this side. From my "real" friends, I got understanding and a "got your back on this one." From others I got a knife. They thought it was funny. "We" were not amused.

Well, no matter. BITE ME!!!!! (That is my favorite saying the moment!!!)

After the game we had a photo shoot. We all missed him. Zachary was not here, but he missed him too. I talked to him finally, he finally answered the phone...He missed him too....especially today.

Todd is always my benchmark. If he is emotional then I know that it is okay for me to be emotional. He was sad. I am beyond sad.

Good news is that I don't have any holes in the wall from Micah punching them each and every time the Patriots made a bad play. I don't know if I would have enough Spackle in the house to repair them.

You all have a good day...in your oblivion. Glad you don't know what we live with each and every day. And, I really and truly mean that.

January Spring

2012-02-01T18:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am aware that it is now February, but spring fever hit yesterday in January. I resign. I give up. My desire for a massive snow that will force me to stay home is now history. The few small snow storms (storm being used very loosely here) happened at a time where I could not stay home if I wanted. The first was my trip down to Knoxville and the Smokies. Cathi and I drove in the snow that night to get us down to Pigeon Forge. The next snow hit the day I was giving a bridal shower here at my house. I was left wondering if anyone (including the bride) would show up (everyone came!). I had even suggested that we have the first bridal shower via Skype. The following week I needed to go out to a bridal shower and I was again not willing to miss because of a few snowflakes.

Since it is not going to snow it might as well just warm up and let me get outdoors. Yesterday the temperatures got up to around 57 degrees and I was not going to let that opportunity pass me by. I made the kids get their shoes on and we headed out the door for a walk. Before I walked out the door I grabbed my camera. There are times that are prettier in my part of the woods, but a 2 mile walk in January outside is mostly unheard of in these parts. A bit of fresh air and a brisk walk did all of us some good. When God gives you 57 degrees in January, you better take advantage of it!

The little kids grabbed their scooters and our January adventure began. I wished I had just put school on hold and done the walk earlier in the day. By the time we got outside the sun had found some clouds to hide behind. Earlier in the day the sun was shining brightly. A bit of that Vitamin D would have been great for us. But, no worries, we still took advantage of the blessing of mild weather.

The area where we live used to be a lake. It was called Sargeants Lake. It has dried up and we are now left with acres and acres of farmland. When we get a ton of rain the area wants to become a lake again.

We walked down to Mosquito Creek. The kids searched for a rope swing that they hope they can find a way to try out once the weather becomes warm again.

This is a portion of Mosquito Creek. I am not so sure I would want to go swimming in this. This creek can get quite high when we have a ton of rain as well. I remember the year that we built our house (1995) the creek rose so much that it washed the road out everywhere it crossed. I tried to get out to our house three different ways and each way was blocked by running water from this creek. This creek also winds around and runs through the back of our lot. I have many fond memories of the boys (Zachary and Micah) going back there to play in the creek. In one particular instance Zachary asked me if I knew that water could burn. I put my hand up because I did not want to know.

Here is another view of Mosquito Creek. It can be very pretty in the spring and summer when each side is filled with a green pasture of corn or soybeans. It looks pretty barren right now, but it is really quite beautiful when there is something growing in the fields.

Just past that barn on the other side of the street are my woods. I know that part of the attraction that this area had for me was the fact that once I get in the middle of the woods I can pretend that I am in the mountains. I love living where I live. The only bad part of living in the woods are the times of high winds and ice storms. After all the years that we have lived here we have never had one of those ginormous trees fall on our house. We have had a steady supply of firewood over the years, but have been lucky enough to escape a tree crashing through the house. God is so good.

We had a four legged neighbor that decided to go on the walk with us. Honey Bear is a great protector of his own family. He doesn't like us so much. But, on this particular day he tolerated us and let us go for our walk. Just as long as he does not bark at me and the kids we can get along just fine. At the end of this road and to the right is where we call home.

This is a picture of my bare woods. I'm ready for the mushrooms to start popping up. I'm ready for the May flowers, the Jack-in-the-Pulpits, and the signs of spring to start popping through.

And then we were home. It was wonderful to get outside and move. The kids initially had complained that I was making them go outside, but once we were home we all agreed that the walk had lifted our spirits and done us all some good.

Winter, you failed us. You gave us nothing but rain and grey clouds. Just completely go away and bring on the sun. I want to start my daily walking routine again.

A Day in the Happy Place

2012-01-31T16:09:00.000-05:00

First, I want to thank everyone that commented, posted onFB, and sent me emails about yesterday's post. There were several of youthat I had no idea came here to read. I do apologize because there weremany that knew firsthand what was going on and after the appointment I droppedthe ball in letting everyone know that I had been given an almost "allclear." However, after the letters I really do not know how tointerpret the findings. Anyway, "Day by Day" and "I Can Trust Jesus."

I will now get back to my regular schedule of blogs whichare now backed up and not really very timely. After breakfast at theApplewood, we headed to my refuge, my place of peace, my grounding place, myfavorite place in nature. It had snowed the night before and I wasconcerned that I would not actually get into the mountains. Normally, theSmoky Mountains closes the road to Cades Cove in the winter months. However, on this particular day they had to close the road up to Newfound Gapso the road to Cades Cove was opened. I had never been over to that areain the winter. Last year when we went down for Flipfest we had alsogotten there after a snowstorm but they had the road to Newfound Gapopened. I was hoping for that again because this is what we saw last yearwhen we were there. I had never seen it look so beautiful. It was magical, mystical; like Narnia. I was hoping that we would get another chance at this. I was especially hoping that Benjamin and Cathi could see it looking like this:

The first stop was to some waterfalls. The road toCades Cove is winding and at a low altitude, but being able to drive along thestream and stop at various places to enjoy the waterfalls and sound can make themost restless soul find peace. For some reason running water has alwayscalmed my nerves.

So, as we drove along this is what we saw from the car. I could feel my soul starting to leap!

I think my contingency thought I was crazy when I gotout of the car and started dancing and exclaiming that I was so happy. But, I was. I was in a place of complete satisfaction. This is myheaven here on earth.

Did you know that a rhododendron is nature'sthermometer? This was one of the great items of knowledge that I passedon to my traveling companions. When the temperature gets down to below 32degrees Fahrenheit the leaves of a rhododendron will curl. I wonder ifany of my traveling companions remember this fact.

Peace and contentment. I think he (Nick) feels it too!

There were times of blue sky as we drove over to CadesCove. Even though the trees were bare, there were times when color andbeauty peeked through.

I think the biggest excitement for Benjamin was seeing thewildlife. Deer and turkeys were everywhere out in the open. Theyhad no fear of becoming someone's dinner. We did not see any bears (itwas hibernating time!) like we usually do when we visit Cades Cove, but otherwildlife was very prevalent.

We continued to drive the loop at Cades Cove. I wasespecially happy to be there because I was able to go to my "MicahSpot." I call it that because I have a very vivid memory of being inthis particular spot where Micah was being Micah and had coaxed all of hisbrothers, sisters, and cousins into the water. We had to drive an hourback to our condo with naked kids and clothing blowing in the wind out of thecar windows to get dry. (We separated the boys and girls into differentcars!) So, I sit and remember an extremely happy moment in time and get tospend a few minutes with my boy. Yes, I'm weird.

And then we had a photo shoot at the entrance of Abram'sFalls (one of the most beautiful places in the Smoky Mountains.) I am notsure what the significance of Benjamin's pose is here, but I have seen thisrepeatedly on his FB. It must have something to do with WorthingtonChristian. His mom took the pictures and I have noticed that it becamehis FB picture.

And for some reason, Benjamin wanted some action shots onthe bridge to Abram's Falls. Cathi and I obliged. He finds these picturesamusing. I was doing what he asked me to do. (I have no sense of adventure or any sense of humor but I did it anyway.)

And then we went with the more dignified and serious poses.

I loved breathing in the mountain air. I loved thesound of the streams and the waterfalls. It brought peace and calm to myusual state of turmoil. I don't know if the others were as happy as I wasto be there. I hope they were able to enjoy something from the day. Any day that I get to spend in the mountains is a perfect day and I especiallyloved being able to spend this day with Cathi, Benjamin, Cathryn, andNick. As we drove out of Cades Cove this is what we took in:

After leaving Cades Cove we drove back over to the Visitor'sCenter near Gatlinburg. When we got there the road to Newfound Gap hadbeen opened. Guess where I made everyone in the car go next? Nextpost will be the pictures at the top of the mountain.

An Interruption of Regulary Scheduled Blogging

2012-01-30T13:10:00.000-05:00

The above is a mammogram. These are NOT my mammograms. However, I have had several people wonder about a FB status that I posted a couple of weeks ago so I felt it prudent to just use the blog to answer and get everyone up to speed on what has been going on.

I had originally gone to the doctor the first week of January because I needed to refill my Xanax. You can say what you want, but I have tried all the natural stuff and sometimes I just need the real stuff. My first prescription was in 2005 and I never used the entire prescription (i.e. I am NOT an abuser!), however, there are times when I just need something to numb me from all that is around and going on in my life. Anyway, because of my age the doctor suggested that I have another mammogram. It had been three years since my last one and so I agreed.

When they asked where I wanted to go for the mammogram I said that I wanted to go somewhere good. I had gone to a local hospital in the past where the equipment was not as good as what many of the Breast or Women's Centers have so I asked them to schedule me at one of the centers. I don't have a great deal of time to mess with this type of stuff (I never go to the doctor for myself) and I wanted in and out real quick.

I showed up for the mammogram and I knew there was a problem. The technician said that she did not get a real good shot of my left breast and started taking several more shots. RED FLAG!!!! But you can't ask the technician questions because they are not allowed to tell you anything and I knew this. I also knew from past mammograms that I have really dense breast (that was a surprise considering my breast were working breast and I successfully fed 6 children from those puppies!). I also knew that there were a couple of spots that they had been concerned about in 2006 but since they had never changed they told me not to worry about them. I figured the technician was seeing those and when the radiologist looked at the films he would say they were the same spots as in 2006 and then give me a green light for another year or two.

WRONG. I knew there was a problem when I got down to the Smoky Mountains and I kept missing phone calls. I was in the mountains so the calls could not be answered (signal was going in and out). I assumed they would leave a message...they didn't...now I'm started to get very concerned. I had given Todd's number as an alternate so I called and asked him if he had heard anything. I told him I was worried and he brushed it off (as usual) because he is not an excitable person.

I came home and figured I would give them a call first thing Monday morning. They called me before I had a chance to get in touch with them. They wanted me in asap. I asked if I should start to panic. I was told that the spots that had been there in 2006 had a significant change. You don't need words to understand what they were saying. I asked if I should panic and of course the lady on the phone told me no. Then, my doctor's office called to make sure I had gotten back in touch with the Breast Center. I told them I had set up an appointment. I again asked if I should panic. They told me that it was important that I follow up. Appointment was made and I had to wait 2 days. That was my decision not theirs. I had things going on and I didn't want to disrupt the lives of all those I live with so I chose to schedule when there was a spot that did not conflict with everyone else's plans. By that afternoon the Breast Center called again. They wanted to schedule an appointment. I told the lady I had done it that morning. I figured it was a glitch in their ability to communicate.

The next morning roles around and the Breast Center is back on the phone with me. They want to know that I am going to come in. I AM NOW IN A PANIC!!!! Glad I went and got the Xanax refilled...cause I'm taking it. Again, I ask them if I need to come in right now because I have an appointment the next day. They tell me the next day will be fine.

I call Todd and tell him everything and he says he wants to go with me. Interpretation: He is now worried. He won't say it, but if he is going he is worried. That in itself gets me a bit more worried. Anyway, the stupid thing is scheduled for the next day and I will then be told. There are a million scenarios going through my head. A good friend even asked if I would like her to come with me. She does not live in the same town so it was an incredible offer for her to make because she has kids, a job, a tight schedule, etc. I assured her Todd would be there but she wanted a play by play as soon as I knew. My sister also asked for a play by play.

I got to the Breast Center about 30 minutes early. When I got there I told them that Todd would be there and I wanted him back there as soon as he arrived. They informed me that men were not allowed to go back. I assured them that he had seen the girls many times before and it was not a problem. However, they said that other women complained if men were back there. They wrap you in these really nice heated robes. You saw more skin in the first waiting room than you did back in the second waiting room. So, I was solo for the mammogram. I asked the technician a ton of questions that she would not answer. The radiologist was on site this time and she told me I would not be leaving without some sort of an explanation.

After the mammogram I go back into the second waiting area. There were women in there that came in after I did and the technician would come back and tell them they were free to go. I left the Xanax locked up in the locker with my bra, top, and purse. I could feel my blood pressure going sky high. O course they are going to tell me I have breast cancer. These other women have come and gone and I'm still sitting there. Then a peace come over. I turned it over to God. Another friend had called me that morning and told me to listen to a song. Here is the link. I had listened to it at home and on the way to the Breast Center I tried to find it at the local Christian book store. So, I pulled it up on my phone and listened to it all the way to the doctor. As I watched these women come and go I needed to listen to it again. My phone was also in the locker. I sang it in my head. I didn't need the Xanax any more.

The technician finally came out and told me I was free to leave. No explanation...free to leave. I don't work that way so the questions started pouring out. Lucky for me that technician I got was very helpful and took a great deal of time to do some explaining. I guess my biggest question is why the radiologist could not take time to do this. Anyway, she told me that there was NOT a significant change since 2009 and 2006. That is a huge difference from what I was told on the phone. Their biggest concern was that the films in 2006 were not clear. But, they had the ones from 2009 and they were from their establishment. The whole thing makes me mad. I am now on a 6 month protocol to have the left breast mammogramed to make sure there are no changes.

So, I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing but figured I would humor everyone and go every six months for now on. Then I get a letter from the Breast Center. You can tell it was sent without considering the patient but the legalities. I can't find it (I thought I had kept it) but it basically said that the mammogram was not conclusive and that I needed to be rechecked in 6 months. This is not the scenario that the technician had given me (she made me feel confident). Todd said that it was a form letter (number 8 he said) and that they send them out to cover themselves in the event of a lawsuit. Healthcare is not about the patient but about the possibility of lawsuit!

The letter ticked me off but I decided to ignore it. Then I get another letter:

Findings:

Within the posterior third of the left breast on the medial lateral and spot magnification view MLO projections, there is a grouping of fine microcalcifications noted just below the nipple line. These were evident on prior mammogram from 2009 and allowing for differences in technique have not appreciably changed. When compared with film screen mammogram from 2006, it is uncertain whether they were present because of intrinsic differences between film screen and digital technique. On the CC view these appear to lie posterior to the nipple and in the outer aspect and appear more spread out. They appear stable relative to study from 2009 and have a probably benign appearance. Followup left breast mammogram is recommended in six months to re-assess these probably benign calcifications.

PROBABLE???????? I want a biopsy! They are telling me that there are "too many" to biopsy. They want to tell me probably?

So, "I Can Trust Jesus"....... That is the only thing I can do here. And that is my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Applewood

2012-01-18T10:05:00.000-05:00

Friday morning started out with breakfast at the Applewood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

This place is a MUST when you go down to the Smoky Mountains. The first thing that happens when they seat you is put this in front of you...

I have purchased their packaged mix for apple fritters and muffins, but they still never turn out like these. Once seated you get the apple julep, apple butter, apple fritters, and apple muffins. You could skip buying breakfast and just feast on these. Just looking at the picture makes me want to go back there RIGHT NOW! We blew through the first basket pretty quick and asked for more.

I was lucky enough to spend this amazing breakfast with these amazing people. AeroDynamics T&T had a meet in Knoxville on Saturday. We decided to go down a day early so that we could have some fun time in the Smoky Mountains. We left the gym after practice Thursday night and began the drive (and finished it too!) to the Happy Place. It figures that the time I WANT to drive that the weather would get bad. Weather reports were not thrilling, but when we started off things looked good. All in all they were not bad. There were a couple of patches that we hit where we needed to slow down. I know I probably drove everyone in the car crazy at how slow I drive. When we stopped for a late dinner and gas I gave the key to Cathi. Boy could she make the Pilot move. I put on Jesus music so that we would stay safe.

I am very blessed that God sees fit to keep putting people in my life that are supportive as well as very understanding. Cathi has a special needs child but is somehow able to always look at the positive side of life. It was a complete joy to be able to spend a couple of days with Cathi and her son Ben...jamin. Cathi needs to write a book on parenting because Ben...jamin is the epitome of chivalry. I have never ever met a teen-age boy that is so polite, gracious, and well-behaved. I tell Cathryn all the time that it is my dream to be the kind of parent that Cathi is. She has certainly done many things right.

The food arrived and there was certainly A LOT of it. Nick is examining his stack of pancakes figuring out his strategy of getting them all eaten since we were all already full from all the apple fritters and apple muffins.

Cathryn also ordered a HUGE breakfast. She is more concerned with staying in touch with friends than how she is going to get all of this food eaten. I wonder who she was texting...Ben was already there. Or, maybe she WAS texting him.

This was all the food that was left after we got done eating. THERE ARE STARVING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD and this is what was left! Note to self: Next time do NOT ask for an additional basket of apple fritters and apple muffins. Also, make the kids SHARE one meal.

After breakfast we headed to the Happy Place for the day. Since there had been snow the night before I was worried that they would not let us up the mountain. The road to Newfound Gap was closed, but we were able to drive over to Cades Cove. Next up, our day in the Happy Place.

AeroDynamics T&T Meet

2012-01-15T19:01:00.000-05:00

The new T&T season has started and we are now in full swing of competitions, traveling, and now judging. I went to judging school this past fall and I can now judge double mini and trampoline.

Last week-end was the meet at our gym. Cathryn trains at Hand 2 Hand Athletic Training Center. It is a great gym and the owner has recently made some upgrades to the equipment. Last year USAG changed the requirements for the trampoline bed. When our kids would go to competitions they were having trouble controlling their routines because the new beds are much more "bouncy." Along with buying a new trampoline bed she also bought the team a new double mini bed with new springs. These items are NOT cheap and I know I am most appreciative for the support that she gives to our kids.

Again, last week-end was our home meet. An incredible amount of time and planning goes into planning a meet. Invitations have to be sent out, flight schedules need to be made up, judges need to be brought in, and a host of other things need to be done to make sure that the meet runs smoothly and the event is sanctioned through USAG. I have been part of this gym for over three years now and our meets have leaned toward somewhat controlled chaos at best.

There was the desire by many of the parents to try and make improvements this year. Luckily we had a new team member last year and his mom had a great amount of experience in running T&T meets. She graciously helped us get organized and, while we still have room for much improvement, we finally ran a meet that I was extremely proud to be a part of.

As usual, we met the night before the meet to set up bleachers, judges tables, judges and coach hospitality room, staging areas, athlete areas, concession area, and awards table. There is so much to think about when doing a meet and the parents really came together to make sure that things looked nice. Our gym is always a clean and great place to train, but here is what the gym looked like after we got done getting things set up.

The table there in the bottom left of the above picture is where I would spend the day. I was able to judge my first meet judging the double mini event. I was excited, nervous, excited, nervous, nervous, nervous....I just wanted to be able to be fair. I know what it is like as a parent to watch your kids and then see scores come up that you totally do not understand. I got an education of the whys and I will never ever question the extremely dedicated judges that give of so much of their time to be at these events. Judges do make money, but I can tell you that they could never make a living as a T&T judge. I doubt if I will make enough this year to cover the cost of the black suit, judges materials, safety class, and judges training classes.

Above is a picture of the tumbling track and the double mini/double mini landing area. We had just gotten the new bed and springs on the double mini the week before our meet.

I sat in the chair at the very right looking at the table. Cathi made sure the judges were well taken care of by the hospitality team and also put chocolates and salty snacks on the table for us. I ate them. I should have NOT done that.

Here is another view of the gym. You can see the little specks of balloons, and signs that we put up for the event. We had the gym looking great.

I loved being a judge. The worst part was judging the cute little kids that competed on the double mini. If you approach the DM on one foot it is an automatic zero. I just could not flash a score like that. I asked if I could give a score for cute factor and that was not allowed either.

Doing a meet right after Christmas is tough. We had been on Christmas break so when we came back we had just that week to make sure that we had things all put together. However, the best thing about doing a meet when we do it is that we get ours over early and can enjoy the rest of the year competing without the worry of all the work at our own gym.

We were so lucky this year to have someone that knew how to run a meet successfully as well as another parent that came back to help us. I don't know what we would have done without the help of this lady.
She prepared all the entries, put them in the correct level and age group, and came the day of the meet to input scores and prepare rankings. She did all of that out of the kindness of her heart. And, she did it with a smile on her face no matter how nasty people got with her. Thank you Teressa for all your hard work.

I was so proud of all of those that put effort into our meet. Even though I have mentioned a few here, there were TONS more parents and volunteers that did things to make our meet successful. Even the kids got in on all the work and when they were not competing they were working.

I will be writing a bunch about the meets for the next couple of weeks. We just got home from a meet in Knoxville this week-end and we also took a side trip to my happy place. Look for an update, pictures, and stories this week about Flipfest. We had a blast.

Remodeling Again...My Family Room and a Kitchen Update

2012-01-11T14:52:00.001-05:00

It is hard to believe that we have lived in our current house for more than 16 years. This September will mark 17 years since we began moving things into an almost finished house. I was so anxious to move in that when they laid the carpet into the living room I hung a picture on the wall and I called it home. I never went back to that dump of an apartment in St. Paris, Ohio to slumber again. The picture that I hung still remains in its original position. It is a quilt that I found in my Grandmother's house after she went home to be with the Lord. It is believed to have belonged to her sister-in-law. It was very tattered and chewed away at by mice, but I framed it and it is beautiful.

For several years that original piece of carpet that covered my family room has needed to be replaced. I diligently cleaned the carpet with a steamer every 6 months to satisfy my need for clean, but it was so worn and tattered that I really needed new. Every time I would tell Todd that I wanted new carpet he would look at it and tell me it looked just fine. When remodeling the rooms for the kids my request was that I too get have a room remodeled (not really remodeled, but updated) with new carpet. When I went to order the flooring for the kids' rooms I looked at carpet and picked it out for the family room but told them I was not sure that I could afford to do all of it. I probably should not have spent the money, but boy does the new carpet look nice.

When Todd came home and saw how nice it looked he said, "Oh, I guess we did need new carpet." Along with putting the new carpet in, I was able to rearrange the furniture. The old arrangement was hiding stains and a burn mark on the carpet. I had decided one time to iron on the carpet because I was too lazy to get the ironing board out. I have paid for that mistake for over ten years. I had to keep the couch where it was to hide that burn. Since I did not have to worry about strategically placing the furniture any more I was able to rearrange and make the room more functional as well as more homey. One of the things I did was take a cabinet away from the back of the couch. This was a huge improvement because I have a kazillion pictures on top of the cabinet and every time someone sat on the couch the pictures would fall. I also wanted to get the furniture away from the wood burning stove. I arranged and rearranged and here is how it ended.

Another thing that I was able to fix was my family picture wall. I am an accountant. That means that everything needs to be symmetrical and balanced. The problem was that the pictures were always crooked and that resulted in chaos in my life. So, while I had the chance I rearranged the pictures so that they were not symmetrical and could vary so that they did not always look crooked. This is huge people...you don't understand my OCD. Making things even and balancing things all out makes me happy. Balance and things being symmetrical means that there is order in my life. I have had no order since Micah left. It left me with 7 in the family. That just does not work for me...thus insanity due to imbalance. Anyway, I digress, I changed the wall and even though it is not symmetrical it makes me happy.

Cayla is upset with the wall. I will never be able to change the family picture. She is stuck for the rest of her life as a thirteen year-old with braces. I did change her personal picture a couple of years ago but she would like that changed again too. The boys' pictures have stayed the same. I also went and got one of the inspirational stickers to put on the wall. I normally do not like putting things on the wall or around that are the same as what everyone else has, but I liked this one. It fit. It is us.

The carpet was an update. Having lived here for almost 17 years also means that things are falling apart and constantly needing to be replaced. Usually it has something to do with the plumbing. I don't know why it is usually the plumbing, but it is. I guess it is a good thing the plumber lives across the street.

Every time that I think I have things in good working order something else will break. The other night it was the microwave. I got home late from taking Cathryn to practice and wanted to heat up some dinner. The microwave did not work. I had a really nice one with the convection oven. Back when I bought it, it cost about $800. The keypad decided to not work. I had replaced it once before because, daggone it, it was a nice microwave. I had to decide if I wanted to fix it again at about $300 or just go get a new one. I decided on new, but I bought a cheap one. I loved the convection part of the microwave, but I just did not use it enough to warrant getting another one.

Putting the microwave in is a post in itself, but for now I will just post a picture. The old microwave was white so finally having the entire kitchen with stainless steel is nice. The new microwave is much quieter and even though it is not the convection that we had before it will be just fine doing what I need it to do.

Laser Tag

2012-01-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

The last "fun" outing that we were able to squeeze in before the end of Christmas break was a trip to play laser tag. Todd had forgotten that he had the day off for New Years so he had to go to Cincinnati for a meeting before being able to meet all of us for the day. Since everyone was coming from various directions I decided that we would start with lunch at LaRosa's and then head over to the Laser Tag place. Todd somehow managed to get there first so I had him go ahead and order since I was still fairly far away and then we would not have to wait for food since we had reservations in at Laser Quest for games. Todd went and picked up Christian from his house since Zachary and Giessel were coming back from Indiana from taking Christian's babies home.

It is not "cool" to drive with your mom when your older sister has a driver's license and can take you to the same place that your mom is going. Cathryn, Ben, Sage, and Cayla piled into one car and Nick and I went in another. I was about 5 minutes away from LaRosa's when Todd called and said the pizza had arrived. I told him that Cayla's carload would be there before me but I would be there shortly. When I got there only Todd, Zachary, Giessel, and Christian were there but Cayla's car had not arrived. This bothered me ALOT because they had left before me. Nick and Christian did not care that they were not there and decided to have a pizza eating contest. They wanted to see who could eat more.

Cayla's car somehow got lost along the way. I told them how to get there, but I don't think they really listened to the directions. By the time they arrived I had already been there for better than 30 minutes and our laser tag appointment was just 10 minutes away. There was a bit of pizza left, but they had to eat fast because we needed out of there.

Sage was not happy about the fact that she had to eat COLD pizza.

And I don't think Ben...jamin was any happier about it. I think he was even less impressed with Cayla's navigation skills.

But, we made him pose for a "happy" picture anyway.

Now, while we waited for Cayla's car to get there, we had been informed that Christian had a ranking system that he had implemented. Zachary rated a 100 out of 100, Giessel and I rated a 1 out of 100, and Todd rated a 0 out of 100 (that might be because he keeps trying to steel his mama's engagement ring). Honestly, I was surprised that I even ranked. Even after I told him that I was taking him to Laser Quest I only jumped from a 1 to a 7. Giessel somehow managed to move up to a 40. But Zachary, he stayed at 100.

The other kids quickly ate cold pizza and we were off to laser tag. I snapped a couple of pictures while the kids waited to get their passes into the laser tag room.

A group picture before they went into the Briefing Room.

Todd and I sat out while all the kids were playing. They had a special that day for three games. Each player chooses a "code" name for the game. Christian was Batman and Zachary was Superman, but Zachary switched passes with him so that Christian got the "high" score. Our other players were named as follows:

Sage Shhhhhhhhhh (Christian gave her that name because that is what he is always

telling her to do....be quiet!)

Benjamin Ben...jamin

Angrybird Cayla

Snookie Cathryn

Catwoman Giessel

Charzard Nick

Here are the scores for the first game.

Scores for the second game.

While waiting for the last game to start Nick broke out in a dance. I don't know where he learned his moves, but they remind me of someone else's moves. Micah never taught him how to dance, and Nick could not remember, but this boy is EXACTLY like his brother. And, just like his brother, he does not care how goofy, stupid, or hideous he looks. If he is having fun then that is all that matters to him.

The last game had a ton of players so it took two screens to show all the scores. Christian (Zachary) was Batman (as opposed to Batman 2 that apparently tried to gang up on Zachary and Christian). Zachary promptly put the kid in his place by blasting him into nothing. Of course, Christian thought he had done this and we will never ever tell him otherwise.

I think the kids had a great time expelling some of that energy running around in the laser tag room. I wish every day could be a fun day. I wish none of us had responsibilities and had to do all the boring things in life like school, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.

I can't wait for summer break.